Thursday, November 22, 2007
The Gas Grabber
Oh good lord. Someone has invented a fart protector. After you've eaten the Thanksgiving turkey equivalent of a horse, some of that tryptophan is going to eventually turn into methane, and you're going to need some serious butt protection like this. This patented Gas Grabber anal pad uses activated charcoal to neutralize those toxic fumes, sparing all of your beloved family members from your willful violation of their airspace by your noxious kamikazes. So far, it's just in the patent application stage, so this special mojo filter won't be available this Thanksgiving. Too bad.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
couldn't get away
Laura Sonnenmark … drove to the offices of Martin Focus Groups in Alexandria, Virginia, knowing she would be paid $150 for two hours of her time. After joining a half dozen other women in a conference room, she found, to her surprise, that she had been called in to help some of the country’s most prominent hawks test-market language that could be used to sell a war against Iran to the American public. “The whole basis of the whole thing was, ‘we’re going to go into Iran and what do we have to do to get you guys to along with it,’” Sonnenmark, 49, tells Mother Jones.
The client paying for the focus group session, according to Sonnemark, was Freedom’s Watch …read on
Sunday, November 18, 2007
i:So what's new?
Gary:Just enjoying the region.
i:You mean Texas?
Gary:No, well I mean I do like Texas, but
i was referring to the region where
a girl's legs come together.
i:Very well, let's change the subject
What are you up to these days?
Gary:I'm on a bit of a slump right now
I hurt my foot doing a very tricky dance maneuver.
i:So you aren't as active?
Gary:NO, and it shows i think.
Is it me or does this body make me look fat?
i:I hear you used to skate. Miss it much?
Gary:I still rollaround sometimes. The style has changed so much
though, you hardly see skaters wearing bowties anymore.
i:What was your signature move?
Gary:Where people usually carve,I widdle.
i:It sounds like you set very high standards for yourself.
Gary:Well I mean , I do. I tend to find tough solutions
to simple problems. I use math and sometimes it's impossible!