Monday, February 27, 2006

Truth be told

SPT weather advisory: Hurricane Alert

The San Pedro Tribe Weather Service is predicting the hurricane currently hitting Mexico will make landfall in Austin overnight Friday, possibly being delayed until Saturday morning. All tribe members should be prepared to evacuate, or take cover in their doorways if and when the hurricane strikes.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Gets me right here...

Here's this week's inspirational story!

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Jurassic "Beaver"

This may have to be A to the E's new nickname.

A new fossil from China proves that the mammals that lived during the Jurassic era were more diverse than previously thought. The 164-million-year-old creature, dubbed Castorocauda lutrasimilis, had a tail like a beaver, the paddling limbs of an otter, seallike teeth and probably webbed feet. And although most Jurassic mammals discovered thus far were tiny, shrewlike animals, C. lutrasimilis, would have weighed in at approximately a pound. Roughly the size of a small, female platypus, it is the largest mammal from this time period on record.

Chinese archaeologists led by Qiang Ji of Nanjing University found the well-preserved fossil, including impressions of soft tissue and fur, in the Jiulongshan Formation in Inner Mongolia. Other fossils had hinted that mammals might not just have been small terrestrial creatures until the demise of the dinosaurs 65 million years ago but the beaver-tailed animal definitively pushes back the date of mammalian adaptation to an aquatic lifestyle by at least 100 million years. "Based on its relatively large size, swimming body structure, and anterior molars specialized for [fish] feeding, Castorocauda was a semiaquatic carnivore, similar to the modern river otter," the team writes in the paper announcing the find in today's issue of Science.

The discovery also highlights how little is known about early mammals. Most are represented by teeth and jaws alone. "We stand at the threshold of a dramatic change in the picture of mammalian evolutionary history," argues mammalogist Thomas Martin of the Senckenberg Institute in Frankfurt, Germany in an accompanying commentary. "The potential of fossil-rich deposits like the Jehol group in Liaoning Province in China or the Jiulongshan Formation in Inner Mongolia is only just beginning to be exploited." --David Biello

new GnR!!!

click if you know where you are

you're gonna diiiiiieee

Friday, February 24, 2006

well it's not official, but it looks like ...

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yep, folks
he's started a new trend

Time to get your certificate...

Hit 10 quail without shooting Harry once:

Rumor has it that Cheney shot one of our own tribe members in the foot.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

3 in 5 slept in these

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they almost made it back to the mansion
from the bar
all seperate occasions
all equal heart

Let's sleep like cyclists!

6 of the top 10
Tour de France
riders slept in one
of these last year.

I think we need one
for the S.P. Mansion

Urine Trouble

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

New Link added...

It's over there on the right --->
Click on the one that say's "we have a crush on this blog"....

Serious issues to address

a. Mexican men seem to really want to empregnate a green-eyed gringa, or "Tattoo Mamacita" as I have been called.
b. Who the fuck is cut offs?
c. Little man needs a job.
d. Daniel needs to study more.
e. Gary is cool just how he is.
f. Is Harry getting his nightly foot massage and penal rub down?
g. Have you seen John Huston`s Night of the Iguana? You should, I went to that beach today.
h. Masturbating in hostels is out of the question.

Think about it.

elliot's and lilman's secret

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Blog Etiquette

He's got a point, should have linked to his site. Any source should be linked --especially other blogs-- by using that fancy hyperlink button above, etc.

Obviously this is a public blog, and as you can tell by the sharp increase in revenue ($0.32) we're blowing up kids.

Slap on the hand, next time... decapation or "Wrath of the Gods".

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


While eating my lunch, consisting of Opa's Jalapeno & Cheddar Sausage and mashed potatoes, I went to cut off a piece of sausage, and look what squeezed out as I applied pressure. I couldn't help but be reminded of squeezing blackheads out of my nose. I thought I should share this one.

chapelle skit

i laughed, i cried...


Monday, February 20, 2006

o, my, god

young guns is such an awful movie.
bland script
horrendous acting
lousy music
i was so happy to hear that william h. bonney died
if only i actually witnessed it

Samsquamch estimated at 10'

Tribe insiders say more like 5'10" and currently growing a 7th-grade beard. Read on for further misperceptions regarding Captain McAnkle's origins...

"Are There Three Kinds of Malaysian Bigfoot?
The story of the "Bigfoot" in the Endau-Rompin National Park, Malaysia, is becoming more complex. It seems like the time is ripe to sort out the media’s reports that the locals are seeing three types of hairy hominoids.

According to the Bernama news service, on February 20, 2006, accounts surfaced that the locals, the Orang Asli, living along the Johor-Pahang border, claimed they have seen a variety of different-sized "Bigfoot" in the area.

Malaysian Bigfoot

Illustration: Typical True Giant, drawing by Harry Trumbore, from Anomalist Books’ new edition of The Field Guide to Bigfoot and Other Mystery Primates by Loren Coleman and Patrick Huyghe. © 2006

Organizing what is being said, according to the three sizes, here’s what I see occurring:

1) Hantu Siaran Gigi or Hantu Hutan

Four meters (12 feet) tall, hairy man-like creatures. Hantu Hutan reportedly catch fish, and are not easily spooked by the Orang Asli. These have in the past been noted with names like "Orang Dalam." Also "Hantu Jarang Gigi" is another one that has been translated as "Snaggle-Toothed Ghost."

2) Hantu Semawa

Human-sized, probably no larger than two meters (6 feet tall). "Mawas" also has been a term for unknown, man-sized hairy hominoids seen in Malaysia. Of course, as mentioned here at Cryptomundo before, "Mawas" means, literally in nearby Indonesia, the orangutan, (Pongo pygmaeus), known from ranges in the wild in Sumatra (Pongo pygmaeus abelii) and Borneo (Pongo pygmaeus pygmaeus) but not Malaysia. Are the Hantu Semawa or Mawas seen in the Malay forest merely mainland survivor groups of orangutans?

3) Hantu Bojok

A very much smaller (one meter, three feet tall?) creature. One villager said: "Hantu Bojok is small. We’ve seen it many times. It looks like a dwarf. Once, we saw it catching fish and when it saw us, it ran away." Are these Proto-Pygmies, like the "Ebu Gogo" from Flores, Indonesia?

The Bermanu news item noted:

Tok Batin (tribal chief) Sati Pak Burut, 48, said his men had told him several times of their encounter with such creatures in the Johor forest. "My men often go into the forest for up to two or three weeks. When they return, they will tell lots of stories like seeing hantu hutan, hantu bojok and hantu semawa," he said.

Clearly, the larger creatures sound like the four-toed very tall "True Giant," the Orang Dalam from Malaysia. But then, as detailed in The Field Guide to Bigfoot and Other Mystery Primates, different types are part of what may going on too, and confusing the picture from the rainforests."

Total BS, I didn't see anything in there about Wild Red or video games!


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clicky here:
Sly is: Drinkenstein

thanks to:

Sunday, February 19, 2006

i need photoshop!

when is the kurtrusselologist returning to tx?

Friday, February 17, 2006

Thursday, February 16, 2006

breakfast in cemetary...

...and go our seperate ways.

Me, Mario and Monterrey

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I am off down South to scour the desert for hallucenogenics by horseback. Mario is off to Eagle Pass for the weekend. I'm not sure what that Luche Libre wrestler Super Kono is doing...probably thinking about me.

Busted and Disgusted

This is why Sam missed many of you on MySpace yesterday. He will soon have the strength to sit at his desk, but until then Final Fantasy will sufice.

If anyone would like to send donations or "get well" type schwag, I recommend Big Red and popcorn. Otherwise, we'll be selling off his pain meds to pay for the unecessary trip to the emergency room.

No X-ray results were disclosed, and Sam go no sponge bath for his efforts. On the bright side he wasn't scheduled to work until Friday.

Rumor has it that Sam was trying to "do a 900" when he hurt himself.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy v-day

so i'm on this couch in the lobby of my hotel less than three feet from this girl using wireless. anyway, i'm really tired and relaxed. with nary a thought, i just let a loud ripping fart. right now i can't help but laugh to myself.

you ever wonder where bella goes on her excursions?

fuck valentines


Oh, you guys are fucked now. He's on his way over and I need not worry because I am relaxing south of the border.

What everyone should watch by Sunday...


This one's for you J. E. Palmer.

Monday, February 13, 2006

this plays needs some...pizzazz.

wow, i was going to edit the title and correct the spelling, but this is about as close to mark gonzales as i'll ever get. epic.

What's the word on the NYC streets?

Little Man... what is up? We want photos, video clips, audio interviews with transcripts available for 10 cents a page. We didn't buy you a camera and cell phone so you could sit on your ass. You found a hat, now get out in that snow you MN pussy and report back. Ain't like you got nothin' else to do. In fact, since you're snowed in, you have no excuse not to watch Remo Williams and will be de-briefed on the wisdom of Chiun (played by Joel Grey).

Sounds like somone there could have learned from lesson 36.

Send a photo of Jake, and one of Kate!

The Tribal Council

Saturday, February 11, 2006

With friends like these, who needs sweatpants?

Notice how the image doesn't monopolize the blog.

Greetings from Queens, bichez

Dear Freynds,
I'm with McKewl right now. He's practically married. Kate (the lady he lives with) is allegedly preggers (i.e. her uterine wall is thickening to support an embryo, then fetus, the child [of course assuming no abortion, no miscarriage, no stomach punches]) by McKewl. I can't believe he didn't tell us.

Greetings from Mexico MoFos

After a shitty late night bus ride and a 3 hour wait at the bus station, I am safe and sound in the arms of our beloved Mario. While he is installing bigger speakers in his car, I am getting ready to watch Shawshank Redemption. I am here through Monday then off to find adventures down south. I miss the guys should check under your pillows for the turds I left you. Take care of my little man and make sure elliott doesn't wreck my car. Odelay!Image hosting by Photobucket



This Sunday, the adventure begins. Remo Williams is unarmed and dangerous. What could be more American than swinging around lady Liberty's scaffolding? Chili Hot Dogs, and that's what we'll be feasting on before we feast of Fred Ward's awesome power.

In case you want a little taste:
Video Detective hosts a great trailer.. .you have to watch a trailer for a new movie first and then it'll play Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins. (Maybe you'll get to watch the promo for The Bench Warmers which made me laugh and warmed my heart.

For some reason the German version has guns pointed at Remo and New York. Anyone else think Daniel is a terrorist? If he doesn't like the movie then we'll know for sure.


i got a hat. it was cheap. went to the second city. it was funny. i like choppy sentences right now. maybe i need to watch some chinese shit. they're into chopsticks. and chop suey. foot rub. three is a lucky number...and this is the number 3 hit when i searched google images for "baby kitty"

fuck what i ever said before i dont' give a fuck about the height and width tags. Look at that tit sucking.
ps-buffaloes fucking suck.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Learn how to get a Yob, Mexican way

I'm a Mexican and I like this video!
Learn how to get a Yob, Mexican way

Get A Yob......... I'm a Mexican who can bearly spik english!

cute overload

awesome valentines cards


Night Watch is scheduled to play at the Dobie on Friday, March 3rd.

Shameless Plug?

So, I'll see you guys at Nacho Libre?

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I miss Texas !!

One of the tribe members is heading South on the Northbound soon.. no one tagging along ?? Any takers.. ?? So I guess its true... things are bigger in Texas.. !!

Mail me my stocking cap, win a free prize

Let's face it, Chicago's cold as fuck right now. And I doubt NYC or Boston will be better. Someone, please, mail me a hat. These fuckers keep me busy all day and by the time I'm done the local Gucci or Louis Vuitton is closed (b/c as you all know, I only shop there). Alternatively, feel free to mail me some sunshine and about +30 degrees Fahrenheit. Wait, we're Indians? Is there a dance I can do? (Aside from the go fuck yourself dance?). See you guys ~February 20th.

6 - 10

lombardi's having an opening this evening, anyone wanna ride the ol' bicycle down there?

i guess it's sponsored by scion and artists will be painting up these car deals:

sounds like an invite to bring a paint pen and draw a giant raccoon wiener on the hood of one of these bad boyz.

duck and cover!


am i taking crazy pills?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Longest crap (post) ever...

alright, as promised. that was a bit much.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

movies to watch in no particular order

skatetown usa

enron: the smartest guys in the room

next of kin


kunoichi the lady ninja

cyber ninja

sex and fury

lone wolf mcquade

paradise valley

jack frost

the howling

Since I'm banned...

that means I'll be spending Sunday movie night alone in my room. That's fine, having Stallone and Russell (AND REMO!) on my computer gives the opportunity to capture those one-liners and...

Start a Stallone or Russell soundboard.

"Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president"
"You know what Jack Burton always says... what the hell?"
"I'm no tourist"
"I don't deal with psychos. I put 'em away."
"Go ahead. I don't shop here.'

Monday, February 06, 2006

Thanks Dudes....

Yeah, I know that sometimes it's hard having a lady in the house. Especially one as emotionally volatile as the one writing this. I mean, what with the crying on the couch and the cursing of men and the such, thanks for being understanding. Thanks for pulling through and helping me with my computer catastrophe, you guys rule. Heads up...I should be bleeding out of my vagina profusely for the next 6 days. xo


Evilbiologist's arch nemesis Captain McSuperjogger has been spotted on the streets of San Francisco. It is difficult to delineate between the pro- and antagonist in this rivalry, though their feud dates back to an initial encounter at Minnesota's "Sour Kraut Eating and Log Tossing Championships" of 1987.

It appears that Mr. Superjogger is attempting his best GW imitation by preemptively striking before Mr. Biologist's next move in SF. It is assumed the Captain is already 2 Kurt Russel movies ahead of the Tribe's biologist and is a certified expert in Sylvester Stallone one-liners. There is a genuine concern for the future of the biologist.


Michael T. Elliott age 29, of the San Pedro Tribe is now banned from the living room(effective feb, 6), for two weeks on account of breaking the hearts and tails of two gorgeous porcelain wolves. After an intesive with one of the tribe members, a one Mr. Samuel Peterson, he exclaimed his gratitude for the punishment and hopes for a better living room expirience for the next couple of weeks and also hopes this incident sets an example for anyone else who fucks around in the tribe. Also signatures of approval for this action will be posted on the board.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Somebody pissed of somebody (26?? San Gabriel)

Harry Appointed Tribe AA Counselor

For those of us in the tribe still living the life of billiards and beer commercials there is new hope. Since certain unnamed members hijacked the wagon and embarked on a journey too great for say, those of us who sleep on the couch or live in the basement, it has been hard to get plastered without feeling a little stupid. Before New Years, the firm, yet tenacious, grasp Miguel applied to his tall boy was all the aspiring drunk needed to get started on a all night bender. Now, in a state of sobriety, he wants to build bird feeders and start gay blogs like this one.
"He said he was my mother yesterday," one tribe member confessed anonimously. Although the drunks still outnumber the wimps at San Pedro, there is fear a new era defined by caffeine, level headedness, and possibly even medical marijuana will arise.
"I didn't know what to do," claimed a bornagain drunkard. "I felt alone in my desire to drink, so I did what I would normally do, that is go out drinking, alone. After consulting Muhammhed I knew it was Miguel who was wrong. I only needed a new role model to remind me drinking is good for you. Waking up hungover the next day, I went on a spiritual fast from food and even light, as Ghandi would have. The meaning of life evaded me. I wanted to sleep forever. Finally, I entered the outside world around three o'clock, searching for a spiritual guide. After finding no help from the people of the tribe, I laid on the floor to watch Sam fight the Roman Empire for his freedom. Hopeless, I felt. Then, the answer came from above, as in it actually crawled on me and laid down on my face. Through purring and gentle clawing, Harry reminded me why life was to be lived, and most importantly he did it without telling me I had to stop drinking. I've felt different since then. We now have daily AA meetings to give me the strength to continue drinking, and I have realized any desire to quit is actually a cop out."
Harry never attended school and has no credentials, but claims it is his life experience that is so crucial in his unique approach to alcohol counseling. His father was a stray. His mother a traveling alcoholic. He has been abandonded over and over again. Growing up he acquired asthma from the blistering cold, refusing to take his meds. He now walks with a slight limp, coughing occasionally, and carries the air of a dirty Englishman. He refuses to be brushed, claiming it is his filth that inspires people to drink. His success as an AA counselor can be found solely in his stubborness and complete refusal to take care of himself. Wherever his parents are, they should be proud of him, but maybe not proud of themselves.


Saturday, February 04, 2006

I'll fucking fuck fuck

motherfuckers i'm at the fucking park sunbathing-nude of course.

Answer to Mammal Identification Quiz #1

It was a baby Aye-Aye Lemur

Sexual position quiz #1

Dear comrades, is this digital lady being penetrated in the vagina or the anus?
Also, why is the penis yellow?
Is it possible it's another girl, wearing a strap-on?
For the record, I've had 2 of what I like to call the old, triple Ess today.

1. Sulfurous
2. Sienna.
3. Soft-serve

no msg

Why Daniel is going to hell...

Um, that thing looks huge. I'm glad it was dark when we moved him.

Waschbaer Relocation Program

Friday, February 03, 2006

No connection whatsoever

I know, I know. It may seem a little premature and rushed, but....I thought I would introduce him to the tribe today. His name is David, and we're in love. I'm pregnant and we are going to get married. You don't know him like I do, I swear he's a good man. Just ask Germany


ABC came and put a second trap upstairs. He said they did cover the hole in the roof with flashing, but that because of the leaves etc in there already the flashing may just cause more water to run into the house than before. They're contacting Rod to let him know about the hole to cover their ass for liability's sake.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Animal Love

The traps have been set...

Now the waiting begins.

We need to call those guys as soon as we catch one (tonight) so that there's a chance of them picking up the first racoon tomorrow. Otherwise he said something like Sunday or Monday?.

I'm going to feel like shit when the mamma coon is the first one in the trap; her babies just hanging out, washing themselves, with no idea of where to go.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I may have exceeded my daily limit...

but here ya go --> Raising Awareness About Human-Animal Hybrids


kind of awesome

Ear Drainage Problems in Hedgehogs

Sometimes hedgehogs will get a nasty accumulation of drainage at their ears. The first thing that you will need to check is the consistency. If it is granular, it is most likely to be mites. This may seem shocking, as the ear may be clear one day and filled the next, but mites can cause that. If you have any suspicion that mites may be involved, it’s usually best to take hedgie to the vet right away to have the vet check for mites, and to treat if they are found.

There is another type of drainage, more of a runny type of goo, and this is often caused by yeast infections. I had one hedgehog named Janaki who used to get a reoccurrence of this problem about 4 or 5 times a year. When this occurred, I first use a q-tip outside of the ear to clean the yucky stuff off of that area. Then my veterinarian had me use a 1cc syringe with peroxide in it to do the initial inner ear cleaning. Drip about half of the peroxide into each ear. It will foam, and hedgie may be uncomfortable. Later in the day, do the same thing with a half water/half vinegar solution. I will do one in the morning and one in the evening for a course of 3 treatments of each. It pretty much always clears up with this treatment.

The important caution to remember is that when in doubt, always take your hedgie to a veterinarian. If hedgie appears to be having balance problem, then this is especially important, as ear infections can do permanent damage to the inner ear. If you suspect any kind of bacterial infection, you will need the vet to prescribe an antibiotic. If hedgie has more symptoms than just the goo from the ear (s), you’ll need to vet to diagnose further as there could be polyps or cancer present. And, if the problem recurs, you’ll want the vet to check to make sure that you are treating the correct problem. The vet may or may not be able to figure out why the problem recurs, but can make sure that you are giving the correct treatment to remedy the problem when it does.


Someone here responsible for I.E. not working?

By not working I mean the site keeps coming up lame in I.E. At first it wouldn't scroll down. Now the links on the side are gone. Anyone "fixing" the template? Daniel?

Go ahead and insert your "use firefox" comment here. I could care less if my tabs are on a blue toolbar or in mysterious tabs that are barely visible on top of the browswer... so bite me. I'll use firefox when it doesn't slow down my computer and doesn't take five years to load images.

Or better yet, I'll just use "Longhorn" or "Vista" or whatever the new I.E. will be. - because it will have tabs, imbedded RSS feeds etc.

Seriously though...