My first day of summer

The true story of when Little Man met his doppelganger

I want to tell this story from a non-lil man point of view....considering by the time Little Man met his Doppelganger, he had an excess to drink. He was drunk by the time I met him at 7:30, having been bar hopping solo in the city then awaiting my arrival at a Brooklyn bar with a glass of scotch and a beer. He was, at this point, offensive to others (definitely not me as I do not offend easily).

But I was the "one without tattoos"! Also, Laphroaig 10yo is delicious!!!

While at dinner over Indian food, Little Man had googly eyes and was screaming way too loudly about vaginas and "hairy cups."

Actually, I think it was furry cups, and my melodious tunes were nary above a stage whisper.

By the time we got to Dave's friend's party, Little Man insulted several people, including the host.

Slander. You'll be hearing from my team of diligent and astute attorneys and barristers shortly.

Little Man threw trash on the host's birthday cake plate while he was eating his own birthday cake.

O come on, said trash was an itsy bitsy receipt wadded up, with which I was actually playing Paper Football with the host.

To which the host replied " wow, seriously dude, that's fucked up."

His wonderful taste in bourbon of the Maker's Mark bottling ensures we were BFFs by the point in the evening, thus rendering this quote maliciously vilifying. The counsel's tumescence swells.

Little Man made some more offensive comments to others,

Only to you.

including a comment directed to the South American guest named Hugo, little man screamed " Can you believe this guy's name is Google!?!?"

Also directed to you, not Google.

Now, the moment of reckoning came when I noticed that Dave's coworker was in attendance, sitting on the couch. He is not a dwarf, nor a midget, but rather a true "little man" coming in at about 4'10". I saw impending doom and disaster as he came over to say hello to us. Now, Dave made the initial mistake of introducing Nick to the real little man as "Little Man," I mean, how else do you introduce Nick to people? Certainly not as "Nick." So, I could see, immediately, in Dave's eyes, as the words came out of his mouth, that he knew he had fucked up. So, here is the question.... if you were Nick Little Man, do you:

1) say " Nice to meet you" to the real little man and go about your business
2) begin a long winded and unspecific explanation of why your nickname is Little Man, that can be seen as incredibley insensitive to outside observers.

3) introduce yourself as Little Man, and then begin a concise explanation of the moniker (which is what happened).

addendum: if people find it insensitive to meet someone who gets dumped with a nickname due to being short, hairy, and hoary voiced at 14 years of age, then they can fuck right off. Lyk srlsly.

The doppelganger little man replied with "Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about that...." and walked away on his little legs.

T, FTFY.

Our Little Man claims that he didn't realize that the real Little Man was a little man, even though he was Nick's height while Nick was sitting and he was standing. There were many gaping mouths.

This is true, and it was about 3 seconds after I saw your faces, looked back over to the doppelganger, and thought, "Oh, Ohhh, Ohhhhhhhh!". Ps--there's no way in fuckballs I'm 4'10" sitting.

I thought it was fucking hilarious, others did not. I mean, when the fuck will Little Man have a meeting with a true little man in my presence. Allah hath alligned the stars for such.

The take home message. Ps-Elijah had a hand in this as well.

Don't worry Little Man, Dave apologized for you.

My formidable counsel advises me against such course, and they demand that he rescind his apology on my behalf effective immediately.

I love you unconditionally.

I love you unconditionally, too.